This morning we had 40 minutes to write about anything we wanted from this we are going to get some writing goals for the term here is what I wrote.
Paintball .
Entering the paintball field as we spilt up to attack the other team to capture their flag. Our team stuck together like we were a Spec Op team. It felt like we were back in world war 1 again. From the corner of my eye I get the sense that there's someone coming to attack and BANG I shot him right in the chest.
My sister runs and gets the flag and I back her up by Shooting every target that gets in our way. Everyone gets to the flag only 1 of our teammate was taken down. My uncle yells out ‘go go go’ as a command for us to head back to the base sprinting like we were running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner.
Then when we left our team got to have McDonald's and the losing team had to eat 2 big Ben pies each.
The thing that I like about my writing is the metaphor for example sprinting like we were running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner
My goals are to make my hook more better and to have more vocabulary. To have more punctuation.
Sup Lave, that was a nice writing. I like your interesting vocabs and my favourite part is how you said ''running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner'. I wish that was my writing.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work
Hello Lave!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Laura and I am studying to be an English teacher at the University of South Alabama in America. I just have to mention how much I enjoyed your blog post. I really like how your family gets together and plays paintball--I think that is super cool. Also, you have a wonderful writing style. You used fantastic metaphors that really allowed me to envision the game (I especially liked the one: "It felt like we were back in world war 1 again"). Your use of onomatopoeia ("BANG") was incredibly effective in luring me in. I am still unsure of what a big Ben pie is, but your writing told me that it is NOT good.
Thank you for sharing, Lave!
Keep up the excellent work!
~Laura