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Monday 14 October 2013

Paintball

This morning we had 40 minutes to write about anything we wanted from this we are going to get some writing goals for the term here is what I wrote.                     


                             Paintball .


Entering the paintball field as we spilt up to attack the other team to capture their flag. Our team stuck together like we were a Spec Op team. It felt like we were back in world war 1 again. From the corner of my eye I get the sense that there's someone coming to attack and BANG I shot him right in the chest.


My sister runs and gets the flag and I back her up by Shooting every target that gets in our way. Everyone gets to the flag only 1 of our teammate was taken down. My uncle yells out ‘go go go’ as a command for us to head back to the base sprinting like we were running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner.

Then when we left our team got to have McDonald's and the losing team had to eat 2 big Ben pies each.

The thing that I like about my writing is the metaphor for example sprinting like we were running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner

My goals are to make my hook more better and to have more vocabulary. To have more punctuation.




2 comments:

  1. Sup Lave, that was a nice writing. I like your interesting vocabs and my favourite part is how you said ''running away from a lion and jumping obstacles like a free runner'. I wish that was my writing.
    Keep up the good work

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  2. Hello Lave!
    My name is Laura and I am studying to be an English teacher at the University of South Alabama in America. I just have to mention how much I enjoyed your blog post. I really like how your family gets together and plays paintball--I think that is super cool. Also, you have a wonderful writing style. You used fantastic metaphors that really allowed me to envision the game (I especially liked the one: "It felt like we were back in world war 1 again"). Your use of onomatopoeia ("BANG") was incredibly effective in luring me in. I am still unsure of what a big Ben pie is, but your writing told me that it is NOT good.
    Thank you for sharing, Lave!
    Keep up the excellent work!
    ~Laura

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